just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
