I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My vagina is officially offended.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
