Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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