Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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