Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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