in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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