one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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