Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
