at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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