I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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