gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
