Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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