that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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