The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
