i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
