So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
its liver damage thursday
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