using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
