I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
