Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize