The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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