I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
