he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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