wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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