dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
