Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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