Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
