you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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