You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
