Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
