this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
