the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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