i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
