Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize