we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
