she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
