Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
