the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
