I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
