I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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