ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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