Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
