We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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