I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize