pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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