GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
