You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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