my sisters under your porch take her home
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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