Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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