I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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