remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
