So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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