Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
