why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
