So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
