I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
