He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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