We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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