So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize