we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
