and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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