You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
