I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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