How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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