He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
