Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
