I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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