So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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