Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize