He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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