Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
