Just cropdusted the office
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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