she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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