when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Less talking, more tequila
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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