Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want nice things and good sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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