i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
