Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
