She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
