Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
