I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
