Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
