I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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