update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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