There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
