you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize