You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
