dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
