Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
