she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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