i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
