I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
