I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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