Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
