Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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