Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
