Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
