Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
