you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
