Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
